bsumone | ❝ Nobody knows where you’re going ❞

It was exactly what he'd thought it was. Gabriel watched him a moment then moved around in front of him. Moving his hands to his shoulders, he hesitated just a moment. But only because he was gathering his thoughts. "It's not stupid. I don't think that at all. So will you look at me? For just a moment?"

Look at him? Just to get his heart broken? Well, wasn't it already since this was all just some fantasy that could never be anyway? All because Dal was weak to... what? People who were nice to him? That's entirely true. The people at the shelter have always been nice to him. The lady at the diner who saved food that would otherwise be thrown away was nice to him. Was it because Gabriel bothered to get to know him? That he paid attention to the things Dal said and did and remembered them? Because he was gay and therefore a possibility, however improbable? Some combination of it all?

It took a few seconds and, oh is he trembling with Gabriel's hands on his shoulders like that, but he finally lifts his eyes first, then his head.

He waited patiently for Dal to look at him before speaking. Very patiently. "I need you to listen to every word that I say before you react, alright?"

Because while this was going to sound like a rejection? It truly wasn't. But they had to get this out of the way. "While I am on this case? I cannot be with you that way. It would compromise everything we've worked for and even when I catch this bastard the case would get thrown out and there would be a killer targeting you and your friends all over again."

And he couldn't have that. He couldn't. "I have been attracted to you from the start. So I want to make this compromise. If you can wait for me until after the case is done then we can go somewhere to figure this out. Just you and I talking. But please wait until the case is done first so I can be sure that I can save you all. That is all I ask for."

And it was the best he could offer. For both of them.

Dal nodded. Yes, he'd listen. He'd keep his mouth shut and hear Gabriel out.

Another nod. Yes, Dal understood any relationship, romantic, sexual, whatever, could compromise Gabriel's case. That was something he didn't want to risk either. Catching a lunatic who was murdering his friends was the important thing here. Yes, he understood that.

The next part is what earned Dal's eyes getting impossibly wide. I have been attracted to you from the start. That was not something Dal expected to hear. Not at all. That was... that was just something he'd been daydreaming about. The emotions played out on his face as clear as the sky: uncertainty, confusion, hope.

Finally, he nodded again. Yes, he could wait. He could make that compromise. But then... "Can I... can I have one thing first? One small thing?"

Alright. This was a good start. They'd wait until the case was done and then see where they wanted to go from there. Gabriel felt good about that and let out a little sigh of relief as he smiled.

At the question though, he tilted his head. "What is it?"

He honestly had already agreed to giving it in his head before he even knew what it was.

"Can I hug you?" It was all he wanted at the moment. Something he didn't get from the people he saw night after night: true affection.

His expression softened so much and Gabriel gave him a warm smile. Then he let go of him so he could hold out his arms to him to welcome him to come and give him that hug he wanted. Absolutely yes. He could give him a hug. That wasn't going to compromise what he was trying to do here. Especially not here in this hotel room with no cameras and the blinds drawn.

When Gabriel smiled like that, Dal simply melted. All the tension left his thin frame immediately, like some sort of full-body sigh. Dal closed the distance without any hesitance and threw his arms around Gabriel's waist. He was still shaking a little even while he buried his face against Gabriel's shoulder.

This definitely wouldn't be the sort of thing that would compromise the case. And knowing that Gabriel would even consider him after it's all wrapped up? That was enough to keep his heart from hurting while he waited.

"Thank you," he murmured oh-so-quietly.

Wrapping his arms around that small frame, he held him tight. To comfort and to assure him that he meant his words. Gabriel didn't care where Dal came from. What he did for a living. He cared about Dal.

"As soon as I'm sure that monster is put away for good then we'll figure this out. You are very special, Dal. I could tell that from the beginning."

Oh, if he doesn't stop talking like that, Dal might start crying. It's not like he hasn't already cried in front of Gabriel. But still! He'd rather not be ugly in front of someone he likes! Who could blame him?

Dal held on longer than absolutely necessary before he finally pulled back. He wasn't crying (yet) but his eyes were wet. "I know you're gonna get 'im." He knew it because Gabriel cared too much to just let it go. He cared about the people being hurt, the people who could be hurt. It wasn't just a matter of closing a case and notching his belt.

He swallowed hard, cleared his throat, then tried to affect a more casual expression. "D'ya wanna reheat the burritos?"

Gabriel smiled warmly at him and rubbed his arms before stepping back. He would have loved to continue holding him but he knew that would actually venture into being inappropriate. So he just smiled and let him go. They'd come back to this later. That he knew.

"That would be great. I am hungry and my mom was getting on me about my poor eating habits when I'm working."

He laughed a bit then went to go collect them from the fridge so he could reheat them.

"That who you were talkin' to?" There was a warmth in Gabriel's voice that couldn't be missed while he was on the phone. Dal didn't have to know what was being said to know there was affection there. It was really sweet.

Dal picked his coffee back up and went to settle in on the couch. It wasn't long before the smell of the breakfast burritos started to fill the room and had him squirming where he sat. "They smell just as good as this morning!"

Gabriel chuckled and nodded. "She was worried since the case isn't done and I've been gone almost two weeks so she can't feed me breakfast before work."

Because that was her nature. Always worked about those around her. She'd been that way as long as he could remember and he recalled people who knew her before he was born saying she'd always been that way. It was nice honestly. He tried to be like her the best he could.

Bringing the burritos over, he handed Dal his before sitting down and opening up his own. "They reheat nicely too. Still good the next day."

"Is there a reason you don't live together?" Multigenerational living wasn't unheard of where Dal came from. And it seemed like Gabriel and his mother were very close. "Is it because of your work?"

Dal took his burrito, happily unwrapping it and nibbling at it. But he kept the bulk of his attention on Gabriel. He didn't see anything different than he had before, but... Maybe Dal just saw him differently because of the conversation they'd just had. This was a person who was no longer out of reach.

"Yes. I know that my work can lead back to her so I made sure I live close but not with her. She's had a hard enough life without my work putting her in danger."

Eating slowly, he thought of all the things he'd have to do today. See if he had permission to move forward with his plan. Figure out who was going to be the bait and so on. It was a lot to do but if he pushed it hard then he'd be able to close this case sooner and stop having to deal with people who hated him for existing.

These local cops had their heads shoved so far up their asses, they couldn't appreciate help protecting their neighborhood. It was all about how Gabriel's presence made them look incompetent. Well, maybe if they did their damn jobs as effectively and compassionately...

He chewed happily on the burrito, trying not to think about the dangers outside these walls. His friend was dead, the killer still on the loose, the cops too busy having a pissing contest with the FBI to do anything worthwhile, and he was still locked out. He should be worried, but it's not in his nature. Those are just facts that he can't change. And they led him here, sitting on a comfy couch, having a hot meal with a guy he was very, very fond of.

"You're a good son."

"Thank you. I really try."

She was a good mom. She deserved to have a good son. That was how he felt about it. Gabriel chuckled softly then as he thought about something. "She'd find you too skinny and she'd insist on you eating more when you're with her."

Dal chuckled. "I can't eat a lot," he admitted. "Makes my stomach hurt if I do." Or it could be that he's half-starved all the time. But it was nice to imagine actually meeting Gabriel's mother... "You said she runs a restaurant, right?"

Gabriel strongly suspected the reason for that was due to how little Dal had been able to eat regularly the past few years. But he didn't comment on that. He let it be. If they did get together he could worry more about it then. For now he just answered the question. "Yes. Mexican food. Authentic too."

"What's it like? I don't think I ever had it." Given how far north they were and Dal's general lack of ability to get around town to try various cuisines, that's probably not a surprising revelation. He's spent the last eight years limited to a small area of walkability.

His eyes dropped before he gave Gabriel a chance to finish, something more than a little sad coming over his features. If his parents knew how he's been living for the last eight years... Would they feel bad for him or just despise him even more?

"It's savory and almost earthy. It's very well seasoned at all times. Even the simplest of things have depth to them when they are prepared correctly." Then he looked over at Dal and he rested a hand on his shoulder. Gently, he gave his hand a squeeze. Even without asking he knew what he was thinking about.

"They're not worth it, Dal. Just remember the people who don't care that you're gay and who want to be in your life. They're the ones that truly matter. The rest? They're just the path you took to become who you are now."

He shakes his head to dispel the dark feelings, trying to smile instead. It wasn't fake, but it was harder then he'd hoped even though Gabriel was being so supportive.

"It's... It's so nice hearin' how close you are with your mom. I just can't help thinkin' about my parents, too... And just wonderin'."

"As someone who found out what it was like to have a parent who didn't love him for who he was..." He gently stroked his back as he sighed. Then he gave him a smile.

"I learned years ago it's better to save your thoughts for those who care about you. Giving room to those who didn't only drives the knife deeper."

"I don't..." No, not true. "I didn't have anyone like that before now."

"Now is what counts the most." Gently, he ruffled his hair. Very gently, of course. He could see all that damage to his hair so he wasn't about to make it worse by being rough with it. "Go ahead and finish eating. We both have long days ahead."

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