bsumone | ❝ You fairies love where love is wise and just ❞

That was most definitely Eli. The hair and makeup wasn't normal (at least, not normally what James saw), but there was no mistaking him. James' mouth went dry and he couldn't help his dumbfounded staring. That boy was a lot more chiseled than he would've thought... Not that he thinks about his students like that!

That's right! This was his student! James is quite literally old enough to be his dad! He couldn't sit here and stare at him like this! It was... it was... It was inappropriate! Yet his feet didn't move him to the door and his eyes couldn't tear themselves away. Wow, he was flexible and...

It wasn't until one of the hosts asked him if he wanted a table that James blinked back to the reality of what was happening. God! He could get fired just for being here! "No, no" he assured. "I was... just leaving. Thank you. Good night."

Cooper was still there. He was staring at him. Holy shit, he was losing everything come Monday. His place at the academy, this job, his home, his reputation, and, worst of all, the respect of someone he truly liked so much. Eli wanted to throw up even as he kept pretending to be fine, using the pole to get him back up to his feet.

He never saw the man leave. He wasn't sure he wanted to.

The rest of the weekend was a literal nightmare for him as he spent every waking moment when he wasn't doing something in terror of school on Monday. Of being called to Cooper or the administration and told that his life as he knew it was over. Shit!

Still, he packed his bags on Monday anyway and went to school anyway just to see what...would happen.

The rest of the weekend wasn't exactly peaceful for James. One word from Eli and his job was under threat. Damned moral turpitude clauses! Damn his own curiosity for prompting him to go into that club in the first place!

When he wasn't called down by administration by mid-day, there was some relief. Maybe Eli wouldn't say anything. If he did, they might ask why he was there. Though it wasn't like they could kick a student out just for that. This wasn't some fancy private school, after all.

At least everything seemed fine. Until last period came and Eli shuffled through the door with the rest of the students in that class. Shit, James could barely look at him. He'd spent too much of the weekend trying to banish the memory of him swinging around a pole and crawling seductively... Stop!

Everything when fine during class. And after, as the students were filing out... "Eli? A word, please."

The entire day was miserable. And then his class with Cooper happened and he felt like his life was over when the man asked him to stay after. Shoving his things in his bag, he slowly made his way to the front and forced a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes.

Eli looked like someone ready to accept a death sentence.

The door clicked shut to leave them alone. No one would hear them now and he was so sure he'd throw up. "Is this where you tell me you're going to tell someone about my job? Can you just...say it? It's hard continuing to wait for everything to fall apart around me."

"That's... not what I wanted to discuss, precisely." He reached for a steno pad on his desk. He jotted something down and tore the page out, handing it to Eli.

"That isn't a safe part of town, especially after dark." Half the reason he went to a bar there; less likely he'd run into his students' parents. "That's my cell. If you ever need a ride home because you don't feel safe waiting for the bus..." He didn't finish that sentence. "Promise me you'll be careful and that will be the end of this."

"It's not?"

Confused now, he clutched the straps of his bag tighter. But the other shoe didn't drop. Instead, he was given Cooper's personal phone number. Something he'd always dreamed of having but never like this. It had always been some wild fantasy that the man would take him out on a date and would hand it to him for that reason.

Looking up from the paper, Eli stared at his teacher. "I'm not... I don't have a choice, you know. Nothing else pays enough for me to get by. I used to have a scholarship from the academy but that ended the day I turned eighteen. With the tips I get..."

Why was he explaining himself? His gaze dropped. "...thanks."

James was about to wave a hand to cut him off when he stopped on his own. He forced a smile despite this somewhat heavy, if not awkward, topic. More than a topic. It was something that was going to hang between them now and color all their interaction going forward.

He stood up from his desk and, with only the slightest hesitance, laid a hand on Eli's shoulder. "You don't owe me or anyone else an explanation, son. You're juggling school, your academy, and a difficult job. Your grades aren't suffering here. I'm sure whatever measure they use at your dance school isn't slipping either. You're working hard."

Oh, but he had so many concerns. A strip club in a seedy part of town. Some of those workers didn't just stop their work on the stage. Eli has such a bright future, he'd hate to see that in jeopardy.

"Tell me you'll be careful and you can get on with your afternoon."

"I'll be careful, Mr. Cooper."

Shit, he was so sure he might cry with relief that his favorite teacher didn't hate him. That he still had his respect. After all, the man was more than just a teacher to him and had been since day one. There was a reason why any relationship he'd tried didn't last more than a week. He only had eyes for this man in front of him.

Someone he couldn't have. Wasn't that great?

Lifting his gaze again, he gave him one of his winning smiles. "I'll add your number to my phone and call you if I need a ride. Promise."

"Alright." He accepted that promise and hoped that, should it become necessary, Eli would actually call. He'd rather have a short night of sleep than risk something bad happening to his kid. Who else was out there looking out for him?

"Go on, now. You don't want to be late." He's assuming Eli has more dance classes. James doesn't know his exact schedule, he's not som creepy stalker.

"Yeah. My teacher today is really strict about that."

With a wave, he headed for the door then suddenly swung around and ran back, pulling something from his bag. The book he'd borrowed from Cooper. Holding it out, he gave a grin now that he felt better about things. Everything was going to be fine and he was grateful for that.

"Here. I finished it. Seriously it was great. If you have more recommendations next time you can lend me those too."

With that he ran out of the classroom so he could go about his life again. Now with his crush knowing what he looked like mostly naked but it was what it was.

That didn't go badly, but James was relieved when it was over. Now that they've put the matter to rest, they could go on with their lives.

And that was just what happened. Eli continued to be a model student. He also continued to slip in naps whenever he could and James overlooked it, only making sure he was awake in time before his free period ended to gather himself and get mentally prepared for class. Maybe he was a little biased because the class right after Eli's free period was his.

Everything was fine, perfectly normal for about a week. James could even look at him without feeling uncomfortable. No, he was relieved that Eli was still working hard when he could just as easily at his age drop out. And he was relieved that the boy knew he had someone he could turn to if he needed it.

After that week? Things got weird again. Little flashes of memory of Eli on stage. Too clear images of lines of muscle and the way he moved to music. Then it got harder to look at him again. Not without a lump forming his through. Jesus, he was turning into a such a cliche: older teacher lusting after one of his students. His eyes always sought him out, in the halls, when the students were reading in class or doing their work. Hell, even when he was at his little hole-in-the-wall bar he found his eyes drifting to the club across the street.

It all became too much to bear the night James was home in bed, dick in his hand, thinking about... Eli. With his face done up with makeup and hair styled like it had been that night, his athletic body barely covered, putting all that lean muscle on display. The next day, he actually sought the boy out before class, so he wouldn't risk being late to his dance lessons. James found him in the library at the start of his free period, well before he had a chance to fall asleep.

"I'm requesting to have you transferred to another English class."

Eli was actually reading a bit while he had the chance. Some poems that he'd seen Cooper reading the other day. It was something of a habit of his since sophomore year. Spy on what Cooper was reading then immediately go find it to read it himself. Proooobably was a bit creepy but he figured it wasn't doing any harm to want to enjoy the same books as the guy he liked.

Said guy who came to sit with him at the back where they were alone.

Said guy who said the worst thing possible.

His heart fell into his stomach as he stared at him. Then he looked over the top of the divider to see if there was anyone around. But everyone hated this part of the library because it was so quiet. No hushed whispers or anything.

Looking back to him, he swallowed then spoke in a whisper. "Why? I don't understand."

He could see the color drain from Eli's face, the disappointment in his eyes. It made his chest ache to see the boy so... unhappy. James cleared his throat and looked away.

"It is... becoming increasingly difficult for me to be your teacher when I've seen you..." He had to stop himself in case anyone else was around. "As I have," he finished pointedly.

What? But they were fine. Cooper was great and all but Eli knew that the whole feelings thing was one sided. Always had been. A little panicked, he looked again but saw that no one was around still. Just them here.

"What does that even mean? You don't even like me that way. Why is this a problem? You know why I have to," he hissed back to him desperately, not wanting to lose his favorite class of his senior year.

What can he say to that? What can he say that's appropriate for the place they're in, for the ocean of years between them, for the inherent imbalance of their roles right here and now? He gave up so much in his divorce just to avoid a custody battle, so he could still see his daughter somewhat regularly. This job was about the only thing he had left. He had to tread carefully if he wanted to keep that.

So he said nothing.

Wait. Where was the agreement? Why wasn't Cooper saying that he was right and he wasn't attracted to him like that? Eli stared at him and felt tears in the corners of his eyes. His heart was aching. This was the man he'd had feelings for multiple years now and suddenly...

"You are. That's the problem. You are."

His heart pounded in his chest and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. This... was not the time or place for the conversation they needed to have. James felt the lump his throat when Eli confronted him with his attraction. His chest went tight and he was sure, so sure that everyone in the library could hear them despite their hushed voices. James swallowed hard and didn't meet Eli's eyes.

"That would be inappropriate."

Inappropriate. It would be inappropriate. Eli felt himself trembling in his chair as he looked down at the floor. He hadn't asked for any of this. His situation, these feelings, this moment... But here he was.

In a sudden rush, he looked again to see if anyone would see. No one though. Very quickly, he took a chance and surged over to use to barrier to keep them sheltered as he suddenly gave the man a quick kiss. It was so stupid. So fucking stupid. But he did it anyway.

"I don't want be transferred..." He wasn't even trying to sell himself to keep the class. He just... He was desperate and didn't know what do do and...

This was a mess.

All coherent thought stopped for what felt like solid minutes. In truth, it was mere seconds, not even that, from the time Eli moved, kissed him, and pulled back. His lips seared from the contact and his pulse raced. Mixed images, one-part reality, one-part fantasy, tumbled through his mind and James had to physically shake himself to focus on the issue at hand: the were still in the school.

His focus sharpened, something heated and borderline wild in those usually calm eyes. This was far too much to tolerate and there was nothing -- absolutely nothing -- James could do about it. He's struggling, it showed in his face, in the way his hands fisted into his trousers.

"My daughter is your age."

"...I don't...get why that's bad."

It wasn't like James would be the first man to date someone his child's age? Not that they were dating. Or were going to date. That was impossible wasn't it. A tear actually fell down his face and he quickly used the heel of his hand to dry it.

"You're really just...going to do it."

He takes his glasses off and folds them into his shirt pocket. "This is not up for discussion." Not here, anyway.

It wasn't fair. He hadn't done anything wrong but he felt like he was being punished. And it hurt more because he had feelings for the man. Some more tears fell but he knew there was nothing he could even do. It wasn't like he had the power here.

So Eli turned back to his book and just laid his head on it to accept his fate of losing his favorite class with his favorite teacher. Because if he fought this then he could get Cooper in trouble with what he knew.

And himself...

This sucked so bad.

It was the only solution. To protect Eli. To protect himself, his job. Without anything more to say on the matter, and not wanting to give Eli a chance to bring up something else, James took his leave. It wouldn't surprise him Eli suddenly felt ill and spent the whole of last period in the nurse's office to avoid his class.

James certainly wasn't as enthusiastic in his lesson as usual.

His mind was elsewhere. That boy's tears, the press of his lips... It's all he could think about. Once the initial shock of realizing he broke Eli's heart passed, he realized he couldn't actually request to have him transferred to another class, either. If he did so, he'd have to explain why and he couldn't in good conscious say why. It would put his job at risk. And it might cause issues for Eli, too.

Hadn't James done enough to this poor kid?

Needless to say, Eli's schedule never changed. There was no transfer and he continued on in James' class. This time, he was careful not to pay too much attention to Eli during class, keeping his eyes off him helped.

But then the nights would come and it was just James alone with his thoughts. Inappropriate thoughts about such a young man... Did thinking of him that way make it better? Eli was barely fresh 18, hardly a man at all. Even if the age difference wasn't a problem, their status as teacher and student was. Ah, but that also made the fantasies even better.

And by the weekend, he was back at his seedy little bar. He'd been there for hours, throwing back drink after drink in an effort to quiet the tumult in his mind. Which meant he had more than a few too many. Which left him wondering about Eli once again. Which... left him wandering across the street. Just for a glimpse, James told himself once he paid the cover to get inside. He didn't take a seat near the stage, instead opting for a table in a more secluded area. It would be best if Eli didn't know he was there.

His heart wasn't in it. It hadn't been since it was broken by the object of his affection several days ago. But that wasn't a good reason to miss work. Which then meant that Eli was there working on one of the smaller stages, ever the popular one because his body type differed from the other guys at the club.

With a smile, he crawled to a man and beckoned him to come closer before he puffed air on him then danced out of reach again. It was that backing away that almost caused him to stumble when he saw who was being seated in the club.

What? What the hell was he doing here? He almost stormed off then and there.

Only he was still the new guy here. He couldn't afford to do that. Eli cursed in his head then kept working his shift, pretending he didn't see that Cooper wasn't leaving. He was actually at a fucking table and he was staying there. The very man who said that he was too young. That this was inappropriate. Who had said he was transferring him but still hadn't.

By the time his shift was done it was late at night and Eli was in the alley fishing around for his bus pass. Or at least he was until he saw Cooper.

Immediately he stormed up to him.

"What are you doing? You drew the line! Why are you crossing it? You were the one who made it clear how inappropriate I am!"

He's not sure why he even went. Or why he stayed until last call. He definitely had too much to drink to drive home, so he was fumbling in his pocket for his phone when he heard steps coming closer. Turning quickly, he sagged in relief when he saw it was only Eli and not some would-be mugger. Phone forgotten in his hand, he gave the boy a tired smile...

Oh, but he didn't seem happy. That smile faded quickly as soon as he got a closer look at his expression.

What was he doing? James couldn't even say. The cadence of Eli's speech, more than his words, was actually kind of soothing. If he was angry, he still felt something, right? He hadn't given up (given up on what?). He'd had enough to drink that his eyes were glassy and his mind pleasantly fogged. So he was only absorbing about half of what Eli had to say.

Then, just as casually as ever, said, "I can't stop thinking about you."

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