bsumone | ❝ What am I? ❞

What a good way to live. Or so Simon would think if he knew what was in Silvio’s head. He would also wish he wasn’t a prisoner of his past, too. Still, poor Silvio had to get lonely sometimes, out here all alone without any friends or family nearby. It made Simon feel a little better about encroaching in Silvio’s space.

But was it really encroaching when Silvio brought him here and already indicated he wanted Simon to stay?

“It’s nice here,” he added as he looked around. The woods were lovely, much quieter than Simon was used to, but the more they walked, the more he could hear the quiet symphony of the forest: birds and insects, the trees rustling… it’s very relaxing. “I can see why you stay.”

"It's home."

Silvio breathed in the fresh air and smiled a little. Reaching out, he gently tapped Simon's arm the beckoned for him to come with him off the trail with him. His smile said that he knew where they were going and he wouldn't lead him astray. Once he was sure he was following, he led him through the trees to where there was a small creek that eventually led to a waterfall.

"Welcome to one of my favorite spots in the forest," Silvio announced as he went to go sit on a rock to roll his pants up before dipping his feet in the water with a sigh. "You know the full moon is coming up."

It seemed a random thing to mention but he had a good reason for it.

Simon had no doubt that Silvio knew where he was going. If he’d lived here as long as it seemed he had, there was no reason he wouldn’t know his way around. Of course, Simon had no idea about Silvio’s supernaturally heightened sense to help him navigate the world.

Which meant there was no hiding the gasp when he beheld the scenery. This was the sort of spot he’s only seen in pictures or on TV. Simon scanned the area, taking in the sights and sounds around him. It was all so lovely! It took a few minutes for him to sit beside Silvio, imitating him in tugging the legs of his sweats up and dipping his feet in the cool water.

Silvio’s comment about the full moon earned a curious look from Simon. “…I didn’t. I don’t keep track of that stuff.”

"I have to go somewhere for the three days of the full moon. But I'll make sure that the house and paths are setup for you to be able to do anything you want while I'm gone."

Silvio wasn't quite sure how to really tell him he was a werewolf just yet. Simon already had so much crap going on. And now he was trying to process being affectionate with a guy without it having to be weird... It was a lot. He cared too much about Simon to really burden him like this. Maybe he even loved him too but that wasn't something he'd admit right now. He didn't want to scare him with everything he was.

"I'll probably look like hell when I come back but I'll be okay in a couple days," he promised him with a little smile that he directed at the water their feet was in.

Though Silvio’s smile was reassuring, Simon couldn’t stop a pang of worry. No, he won’t pry. If Silvio wanted him to know the details, he’d tell him. And, honestly, Silvio was right. Hearing that Silvio was something other than human, something Simon only knew of from stories and never imagined for a second was actually real would be a lot with everything else he’s trying to work through.

Simon might not appreciate Silvio’s thoughtfulness now – only because he didn’t know about it – but he will in the future, for sure.

“Is there anything I can do to make things easier when you get back?”

"Knowing you're still here and you're okay? That'll be everything I need."

Reaching out, he rested his hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Then he let his hand rest behind him as he let his head fall back to breathe in the air around them. So fresh. So comforting.

"Focus on getting better right now. I'll tell you more about it another time. I promise."

Focusing on his own dysfunction was usually the opposite of what Simon would do. Usually. There’s something of a relief in having someone know some of his Tragic Backstory™ and not react as poorly as Simon always imagined they would upon learning it. Maybe it’s just because it’s been so deeply ingrained in him to be disgusted with himself that he figured anyone else would be, too. But Silvio wasn’t put-off. No, not only was he completely accepting, but he was protective, too! That’s already a huge thing for Simon to experience.

He nodded, smiling slightly at his friend before turning his attention back to the landscape. “Alright. I can do that. But take care as best you can while you’re gone, too, okay?”

"I'll do my best. Promise." He'd probably have to hide the burns as best he could when he got back since those wouldn't be fully healed yet. But at least that way Simon would be able to see him. Weakened but there. Silvio usually took longer than about a day or two to get back to things but he'd have to rush it since he wasn't sure Simon would really understand the whole him being a werewolf thing yet.

His friend just had...a lot going on right now. Unfortunately. More than anything he wished he could take the burden off of him but he knew that just wasn't possible.

"It'll be next week so let's just focus on right now. Like how beautiful this place is."

“I can’t ask for anything more,” he returned gently. He could look after Silvio’s house while he was away – clean it, pick up groceries. Make sure everything was warm and welcoming when his friend returned.

Letting out a quiet breath, Simon nodded. It was often hard for him to get out of his head. That’s why he usually spent so much time working out or practicing. As long as he kept himself busy, he didn’t get lost in the past or worry about the future.

“It is beautiful,” he agreed. “Thanks for bringing me here.”

"I want to show you all kinds of beautiful things, Simon. I know what it's like to get so caught up in your head that you forget they're there. It honestly took me a long time to find them again after I went blind."

He turned his head to him with the warmest smile. Reaching over, he took Simon's hand in his briefly to hold it and give it a squeeze. Just a brief touch before let it go again to avoid making him uncomfortable while his friend was still getting used to things like that.

"You're a special person to me. If I can bring some light to your darkness so you can find your way out then I'll be happy."

Oh. Simon wasn't prepared for how hearing what Silvio said would jar him. He was also so careful not to let people close. It was safer to keep everyone at arm's length. Casual acquaintances, only a little friendly with the rest of his troupe. None of them really knew a lot about Simon. It was lonely but safe.

But Silvio's seen the worst of him, knew the worst about him. And yet he didn't shrink away. No, Silvio leaned in closer, not at all put off by Simon's worst.

His pulse stuttered and Simon sucked in a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he tipped his head down but dared to reach over just enough to brush his hand against Silvio's. "I don't know what to say."

Turning his hand over he made the silent offer that they could sit here and hold hands. But only if Simon wanted to take that step. He wouldn't push that further, just offer in case that was something his friend wanted to give a go.

"It's alright if you don't know what to say. Sometimes you don't have to say anything at all. I'll still be here for you."

He turned his head to him to give him a smile. "I'm really happy you're in my life."

It’s not like they haven’t spent time together before. How long has it been since they started running together? They’ve even hung out outside of that. A little shopping and food here and there. Even before Simon’s descent into a fresh spiral of self-loathing, Silvio was the closest thing to a friend he had. Showing up when Simon just wanted to disappear into his blanket burrito proved it.

No one else came. Not even the people he saw almost daily and spent the bulk of his time with. One weak ‘I’m sick’ and they stayed away. Silvio hadn’t bought it. More than that, he saw right through to the core of the issue.

And he stayed.

So when he felt Silvio move his hand, Simon blinked down at it. And looked a little longer. Simon breathed in deeply and held it in his chest, then moved his hand to lay on Silvio’s.

He smiled when he felt that hand rest over his own. Gently he threaded his fingers with Simon's, holding his hand as they listened to the nature around them, enjoying each other's company. It was nice, to say the very least. Because honestly it was so much more than just nice for Silvio who already cared so much about Simon.

Reaching over, he picked a little purple flower (not that he knew the color) and offered it over to his friend.

"A gift."

It would be a lie to say even this didn't make Simon feel... oddly. Not all in a bad way, though. His heart beat a bit faster, but not out of fear. More out of a thrill that this was something Silvio wanted to share with him. And something he could share with Silvio. A first step. A slow step.

That flower, though? It made Simon breathe out a warm laugh. Taking it in his free hand, he admired it for a moment before drawing it close enough to sniff.

"Purple is my favorite color," he explained.

Silvio let out a laugh and bowed his head. "Is that one purple? I'll remember that the next time I smell it."

Leaning back, he lifted his face to the sky and let out a breath. A smile was still on his lips as he closed his eyes. "Green used to be my favorite color but now it's actually brown. Probably weird that someone would love brown but it's true."

"It is," he affirmed. Simon canted his head to peer over at Silvio, drinking in the sight of his friend's (maybe more?) happiness. That smile, the way he savored the sun on his skin, it was all so wonderful to behold. It threw Silvio's sharp features and strong jaw into sharp relief, too. So handsome.

"It's not that weird."

"I'm glad you think so. For me it's thing I can always count on to know what the color of something is. Chocolate, coffee, the earth, the trunks of the trees... I'll always know those are brown and there's something really comforting about that. It actually got me through my early stages of when I went blind."

Realizing that he knew what the color of something was had been a beautiful moment for him. A time where he knew that he was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay.

"Do you have a reason why you love purple? Or does it just make you happy?"

Simon looked down with a thoughtful smile at the question. Purple did make him happy, but there was a reason for it. "My first dance recital, our outfits were purple. Most of the boys hated it, but that's when I knew dance was my life."

He grinned at the little at the flower and carefully tucked it behind his ear. "My hair is brown," he offered as a way of circling back to Silvio's favorite color.

"That's a beautiful reason. I wish I could see you dance."

But that was alright. He could listen to him when Simon was ready. Enjoy the sounds of his movement and the joy his passion brought him. Much like he enjoyed hearing the sound of what color Simon's hair was. Lifting his hand, he gently touched the strands, feeling them move over his fingers.

"Your hair is my favorite color. I love that."

"Can you hear it? I mean, when I move?" He wondered if between the rhythm of music and Silvio's superhuman hearing if any dancing he did would translate in Silvio's mind. Even if he couldn't see, his mind could conjure up something from the sound, perhaps?

"Whatever dancing I do would probably be close to perfect in your mind's eye."

One day he hoped to tell Simon just how good his hearing was. But that would take time. He wanted to make sure that the other was able to feel safe here. Safe with him. He didn't want to scare him by revealing that werewolves were real.

"I'd be able to hear you move, yeah. I'd really enjoy listening to it too."

It was a nice thought: someone who would never see the mistakes, never see the flaws, never see the things that weren't absolutely perfect. Silvio would hear his foot steps, his weight landing but he'd never know if Simon's foot fell a few inches too far to the left or if he missed a mark. Not that he usually did. He was actually good at what he did. And he was lucky to have made it to 30 without sustaining any career-ending injuries.

"I could dance for you if want." He could put his ear buds in so the music wouldn't interfere (or rather, would interfere less, but he had no idea just how good Silvio's hearing was at this point).

"I'd really love that." And to dance with him too. But he would wait for that. Baby steps. Simon did not need to be pushed fast and hard when he was only barely dipping his toes into the water. Better to go slow and wait until Simon was ready for something quite that deep.

Silvio would never mind waiting.

"I clear a space in the living room so you'll have room to move around."

He could do something he already knew by rote. There were so many dances he's done before. But for Silvio, he wanted to create something new, something special. Something only for his dear friend. That's not overly romantic in his mind, even if it is in actuality.

"That would be great. I'm happy to help move things around with you."

❝ What am I? ❞

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