“Basically, it’s a set of practices to ‘cure’ people of… same-sex attraction.” His voice grew quieter, full of emotions he didn’t often – actually ever – share with others. Not only was it incredibly uncomfortable for Simon to admit he’s gay, but there’s also a lot of bad memories and feelings hanging over his parents’ insistence that he needed to be fixed.

“It was torture,” he muttered oh-so-quietly. “That’s how I spent every summer break for six years…” Six years of being shamed and, for all intents and purposes, abused. Not the most ideal thing for a teenager to have to face. It was so damaging and yet formative.

Simon probably should’ve sought out some legitimate form of therapy to deal with all that… Instead, it led him to a life where he constantly felt ashamed, sometimes disgusted with himself. It sent him into dark patches, times when his depression was so bad he pondered just giving up. That’s gotten worse as the end of this career approached.

Rationally, logically, Simon knew how damaging all that was. Does that change the fact that shame and disgust were drilled into him? Or that he feels weak or that he’s somehow failed if he so much as thinks of another man in a romantic or sexual way? Not at all.

“So… I’m kind of broken, I guess. I’m always afraid and ashamed and… when I get weak, it’s just so much guilt and disgust..”